Anything would be better than the 21 headlights. The 2022 are way better. You can't compare projectors with reflectors...NO, you can NOT order adaptive headlights as an aftermakret accessory add-on/retrofit. Sensors and steering wheel input tell the adaptive system how much to "turn" the lights. That would be a lot of stuff you would have to transplant onto a car that never had it; no telling if it would interface with a "dumber" car correctly. Can it be done? Yes, just time and a lot of money. Probably cheaper to just sell the car you have and buy the car w/ the features you want.
22 headlights may or may not be better than 21 headlights. Both RAV4 model years employ LED headlights. You should investigate what the differences are (if any) between the headlight on a 22 vs 21. What does IIHS and Consumer reports say?
As nice as adaptive headlights sound, it introduces moving parts and all the various sensors/electronics, that can and will go wrong at some point in the vehicles life. If you change cars every 3-5 years, you probably won't experience any repair issues with such a headlight system, so you'll enjoy the benefits minus the headaches.
Have fiance cancel the 21 limited order. Order a 22 that has what you are looking for.
Why can't you get the adaptive headlights in the New England area, when it is available on certain Toyota models sold in the USA? Just no RAV4s (regular, Hybrid, or PRIME) have adaptive headlights. Highlander, and some sedans have adaptive headlights.